Saturday, May 2, 2015


I've lived in this small Northern California town since 2007. I thought it would be very Mayberryesque. I thought my neighbor would bring me a pie and we'd invite them to Christmas Eve. But that is not what it was like. I made a few friends. But I always held something back. I was afraid they'd judge me. There was this perpetual censor to every word I said. Until I walked into this great little shop called Ruby Q's. The owner was a breath of fresh air. She had this energy that made you want to hang out and talk for hours. It was the first time since moving here that I'd found someone I didn't have to guard myself from. We talked about our kids, she had 3. Listening to her talk about them and how she was parenting, made me want to be a better mom. We talked about marriage and small town politics. She told me all about how passionate she was about surrogacy. I had found a new hero. What else would you call someone who wanted to help couples who couldn't have children become families? Someone who gives their body to the process of bringing joy to others. That's heroic. I always think to myself......I wish I had spent more time with Kelly.

A few years ago Kelly's life completely changed. Most people would take pain and disappointment like that and let it destroy them. But she didn't. In her angriest moments there was always a grace. I mean 50% of her vocabulary was the word fuck. But still...there was something elevated about her. She was this nurturing rock for her children, while carrying a child for another family. I was mentally transported to a teenage version of myself thinking "Wow! that's what a real grown up is!" You can use a million metaphors here. The caterpillar, the seed...all stories of how it takes completely breaking to become what you were meant to be. That is exactly what happened. My husband and I have often talked about how blessed we are to be a witness to her journey. I'm sitting here trying to find the right words and my eyes are filling with tears because the only word I come up with is love. 

Kelly told me about the moment she knew her kids were OK. They knew she'd remarry someday. I'm pretty sure Sawyer is clairvoyant. He must have known Erin would be his mom. He must have known they'd become the "Awesome" family. That kid...nothing but smiles all the time. 

Imagine you are finally with the love of your life. Imagine you have more friends than you can count. Imagine you're finally doing a job you're in love with and passionate about. Imagine school is almost out and you're starting to think about summer plans with your amazing spouse and beautiful children. And all of a sudden your big hearted, goofy, handsome 8 year old son is diagnosed with cancer. Can you imagine that? I can't. My heart won't let me go anywhere near a reality that scary. But that just happened to my friend. In a moment her life turned into his 6 hour surgery, intensive chemo therapy and the most intense battle this awesome family will ever face. 

There is a ripple in the veil of the universe. People who give so much light to the world should not have to fight like this. People who love at such an extraordinary level should not have to know this fear. 

I don't know how far this will get. But I hope you share the Go fund me link. www.gofundme/sawyerswarriors and the web page .I hope you help me support this Awesome family. 

Sawyer was diagnosed with stage 3 Burkitts Lymphoma 6 days ago. Yesterday he started his first round of intense chemo therapy and he'll be in the hospital for a long time. He has a fierce battle ahead. If you pray, say a prayer for this family. If you don't pray, send healing thoughts. Join me and Sawyer's warriors support this truly inspirational family.