Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Questions about Moose

My Fish was 3 when she started preschool.

She would bounce out of class and tell me about the song she learned. She would describe the pictures that she made. Even if it was just a circle with lots of staples. She could describe to me what she thought it was in her mind. When Butterfly started preschool as well she would tell me about the friends she had. There would always be a long discussion about the funny thing that happened in class. Butterfly was exceptionally articulate at a young age. She could say full sentences before most kids could say a hundred words. She always had questions about everything and, she still does. She is clearly my sponge, soaking it all in. It was naive of me to assume that because 2 of my children are healthy and intelligent  they all will be.  Because that is not the case

 I knew early on that Moose learned differently. 

I could see it,  I could feel it. Moose has been in some form of preschool for 3 years now. He doesn't walk out and tell me about his day.  He doesn't describe the big grey blob is that he made in class. He doesn't tell me about the song he learned that day. He doesn't run out of class excited to talk about what he learned or what he saw. He doesn't get excited talking about friends and how funny they are.  He has trouble telling me about the lunch he has just finished eating. Everyday with Moose is a series of questions attempting to prompt the answers we've trained him to respond with.

My son is happy and healthy. But there is something missing. Most people just mistake it for shyness. You don't really notice that there's something different about him. He can tell you the names of all the shapes. He can tell you what color they are. He can tell you what animals he sees and the sounds they make.  But you can hear him hit a wall. He can't engage you in conversation. You have to ask him a series of questions and them talk him through the response. And even after he's memorized the response, he doesn't actually understand what it means. When he is around other children that are close in age you can hear it. Some other parents say "Well you shouldn't compare him to other kids, boys are different, they learn slower" But his teachers and his pediatrician agree with me. It's not a normal learning delay because of his gender. It's a learning disability that will need specialized help.

We made him an appointment with a specialist in September. The soonest he could get in was January. That's what resources are like here. Even if an appointment with another specialist was available (which it wasn't) we don't have the money to pay out of pocket.  So my sweet baby will finally be seen in 14 days. I'm scared. I'm really really scared. As much as I want to know what is wrong in his tiny beautiful brain...my instinct is telling me to brace myself. My optimistic family keeps saying "You don't know what they will say! Quit worrying about it! He's smart!" 

I'm his mom...I'm with him everyday...I know

I wanted this to be such a bright and happy Christmas. All you happy people out there are mentally chastising me saying

"It's what you make it! If you want a happy Christmas, then just do it!" 
I get it, I really do. But this year is harder than the rest. Right now I can hear the saw going in the garage. Micah is trying to finish some projects for the kids before Christmas. I have a stack of things to finish before I can go to bed. But I just felt like I needed to spill my guts a little. Today is the last day to pretend I can get it all done in time. Here's hoping I finish at least 3 items on that list