Micah and I started as friends. He'd confide in me and ask me for advice. I'd tell him my rugged relationship history and hope he'd learn something from it. He was so green, so sweet, like a kid brother. That's how I saw him...or that's what I told myself. I've told most of this story before, the "where we started" story in my post Sleeping alone a love story. It's one of my 3 favorite posts to date. But there is so much more to our story.
The morning after I chipped my tooth on that beer bottle I went straight to my friends house. I woke her up, she wanted to go back to sleep. But I crawled into bed with her, too excited to let her go back to sleep. I told her flat out "I'm going to marry Micah!". We talked about everything that had happened the night before. I'm sure she thought I was nuts. But I just knew...ya know?
The next week he took me to meet his grandmother. I took him to meet my parents. My mother told me I was in love with him. I hadn't stopped to think about that small detail. I was really afraid to fall in love again. I hadn't done such a great job being in love the first time. But this felt different. I can't explain it...it was warmth. Like we were right where we were supposed to be.
I have questioned that so many times in the last 10 years. I've questioned whether or not I really felt that place where I felt I was destined to be. I guess the still being here is the answer. I posted this on facebook a few years ago.
"Nobody tells you how hard marriage is. Its the job you have to love even when you hate it. And sometimes you feel like you're working alone. I'm thankful for my marriage. It shows me that something truly worth having is worth fighting for. That bond that makes the screaming fear quiet. The partner I was meant to walk with. My teacher and student with so many lessons. The circle that does not end.....more than every grain of sand "
For all the times I think "this would be so much easier without him" I realize....it wouldn't. We joke about the little things. It isn't that I couldn't do them. They are just the little things that he does for me. If Micah wasn't around: I'd always have dirty sunglasses. I'd never get coffee. The dishes would stay in piles. The lawn would never get mowed. The trash would never go out. My butt would always be cold. I wouldn't have anyone to understand why I'm laughing at movies that aren't exactly funny. I'd be incomplete. And for you hecklers, yes I do stuff too...not sure what. But I'll get back to you on that.
If I've learned anything it's that you have to have passion. Not in a sexual sense (although that totally helps too). But you have to be passionate about holding on and fighting for each other. You have to be passionate about wanting to make it work. Our marriage has been a beautiful storm. Sometimes you're the anchor and sometimes you're the hurricane. As long as you make it through together...there are so many amazing things on the horizon.
Tomorrow is 10 years since we said I do.
10 years since the sweat was dripping down my legs in 108 degree weather
10 years since Micah had too many shots before the ceremony
10 years since Taylor got yelled at and was accused of hiding the "good" wine.
10 years since Micah whispered to me "I feel like a rockstar" as the crowd screamed when we walked in for our first dance.
10 years since he did a keg stand in his tux.
10 years since the groomsmen puked all over the bathroom.
10 years since my mom told me she hated my hair
10 years since all those tiny bottles of Tabasco
10 years since Micah danced with his grandmother
10 years since my dad cried to the Beatles
10 years since we promised forever to each other
10 years since I married my best friend
10 years since we said more than all the grains of sand
10 years since I became Mrs.McConnell
I'm so proud of us..we've got serious things to work on. But look at what we've accomplished. I love him more than I ever knew I could love. And that is scary. Even after 10 years the thought of this without him...makes my eyes fill with tears. He's everything.
Did I mention the minister screwed up our vows. She totally left out my vows completely, it still pisses me off.