Tuesday, May 27, 2014

I'm pooped

I've been really busy since my last post. It feels like my life was a mad race to an uncertain finish line. I'm in this new place where everyone knows my name. Lately, when I introduce myself to someone  the response is "OH! It's nice to put a face to the name". And of course I instantly become self conscious. What had they heard? What do I REALLY look like right now? Why did I wear yoga pants and a ratty T-shirt in public?

A light bulb went on 

For years I've done things just because they would make people know I love them. I used to invite my out of town family to come to my small town for our annual crab feed.

 I would decorate the tables with a theme every year and buy coordinating dress up stuff .There was always a treat for them like a truffle or a cookie. I just wanted them to know how much I appreciated them coming. We had the best times....it feels like a million years ago. Since we stopped doing that there has been a void for me. I miss those times. I miss those people. I miss the happiness. And I have 30 individual butter melters with no purpose now.

I felt a need to get up and do something. I thought that was what I was doing with PTA. The universe however had a different plan. I had posted before about the Parade of Lights (Before the parade passes by) I should have followed up after to let you know that it was fabulous!
It was fun and it made people feel like they were apart of something...community. 

So when the discussion of our towns next big event came up, I was ready for another parade. Just a parade. And I was assured that I was only needed on the parade. Yeah, I was a little miffed at how I was told that bit of info. But small towns roll that way and I had my hands full anyhow.

But then smack dab in the middle of our SAVE THE TEACHERS crusade (Beware of the sleeping dragon) I was asked to come to a meeting. I was preoccupied with parents and teachers messaging me about our picketing. Apparently, I was going to be organizing the entire event. Vendors park, parade, sponsors, advertising, overall design of EVERYTHING. The full weight of the situation didn't hit the back of my brain until over a week later. Just like the Christmas parade it was pointed out to me "If you don't do it, we'll have to cancel. Or we can do a small part of the whole event and cancel the rest" Those were my options. So no real options at all.

Between Red Suspenders Day, PTA and, Girl Scouts.....my schedule was insane. I quit my part time job so that I could do more for the community. I didn't realize that would mean I would ONLY have time for the community. The week before Red Suspenders Day I went to PTA convention. My community supported me and donated so I could go. The pride and pressure of that in itself...no words.The week before that I had a big meeting for Girl Scouts and had to miss my Fish at a track meet. I felt super alone and hated missing so much.
If I hadn't had my husband, my dad and, an amazing friend helping me on Red Suspenders Day....it wouldn't have happened at all. And it was awesome. I have heard nothing but great things from people who truly enjoyed the event.

Now we're 10 days post event and I'm still struggling to catch up with my real life. I've been spending time with my kids. I have been trying to catch up with the laundry monster that took over our house. Until yesterday you couldn't walk into most of the rooms in our home. The piles of crap were too huge. I'm still not done with Red Suspenders Day. I have some details I've been neglecting so my kids could remember what it was like to have a mom. I have a PTA meeting in a couple hours and I'm not prepared. Instead of working on that I'm here...blogging. Because I needed to do just one freakin' thing for me. Just me.

I desperately need a break. After next week I'm planning to hideout. Swimming, camping, day trips, blogging and fun stuff. I'm officially counting down now. Just twelve days until it starts...twelve days. I guess I better get crackin on my stuff for tonight. I have no more motivation.....I'm pooped.