Saturday, December 29, 2012

The not learned lesson

I try to be a good and responsible parent. I don't always feel very successful at it. If you read facebook it's full of mom's who can work out, cook every meal, craft and then do amazing art projects with their kids.  We are not supposed to compare. But it doesn't mean we can't be jealous. Which I am.....probably too much.

To add insult to injury sometimes I make huge mistakes. Last year the kids were doing a project and had safety scissors. When everything was cleaned up the scissors stayed out. (I would blame my husband as I was not at home during clean up...but that would be mean)........(IT WAS HIS FAULT)

My oldest daughter stands at the office doorway and asks "Can we play haircutters?" My response "NO!" To this she took off running and I could hear hushed voices in the living room. When I called them all back in I found that my middle daughter had butchered her hair. My oldest had taken off a good 6 inches in 1 spot. And the girls had decided to give my 1yr old son his first hair cut. I was so upset. Butterfly was the worst of the 3, there was no easy fix for her.
This is before she cut her hair

This is after I had to cut to even it out
Lots of moms since have told me their horror stories. I have worked at keeping my scissors hidden or high enough that they couldn't get them. I thought that I had learned my lesson. And for some reason I assumed that my children had learned as well. Several times since the incident my Butterfly has cried about how she wanted to braid her hair or ponytails. I would always tell her we had to wait for her hair to grow.

So after a year getting her half inch bangs to finally grow out, I finally put her hair in a ponytail. She looked adorable with short hair. The bob she ended up with for a year suited her face. I even talked to my husband about cutting it again to a short look. Because she looked so awesome. I would recall the story and tell people that it was a happy mistake. 

Pictures before haircut #2

I am a firm believer in signs from the universe.

And I believe that I often ignore the signs and take the hard road. This Christmas I was working on projects late into the night. I foolishly left my fabric scissors out. My husband got up and I thought for a minute "I need to get my scissors off the floor". That was the first message I ignored. But I didn't get up and do it. When I was brushing my 6 year old hair my Butterfly asked if she could have bangs. She has a cowlick that doesn't really allow bangs. But I should have recognized the message from the universe. A friend called and my Butterfly had been playing in my room. I foolishly told her to "Go play" elsewhere. 

When she returned to my room, about a minute later, she said "Look mommy! I have bangs!"
I had to stop and control myself from the anger that was bubbling. It wasn't anger at her. But at myself. If only I had gotten up and put those damned scissors away. What had stopped me?

The damage

The end result

The hardest part of this whole thing was when she finally looked at herself in the mirror. 
My beautiful 4 year old daughter was sobbing on the floor. She kept saying she was ugly and looked ridiculous....yup she used that word. It broke my heart to hear how at such a young age she could think that. 

Here is my major parenting question. I can go through my day and point out a million things I still do wrong. Even though I have been taught over and over again the valuable lesson. How am I supposed to expect my children to learn from their mistakes (and mine) if I clearly never learn my own lessons? 

The only thing I have learned is that no matter how bad it seems, it can be fixed. It may not be the fix you want....but it will all be ok. And I need to start learning lessons...or I won't be able to expect the same from my children.