Monday, October 15, 2012

NO MORE BULLSH*T!

Ok I have been lying to you. Even worse I have been lying to myself. I realize that I haven't written a post in such a long time because I didn't do my homework. Let me explain

When I was in high school and junior college if I didn't do my homework I would skip class. In my mind it would be HORRIBLE to show up to class and be the one that everyone was pointing at. Did that ever actually happen? How was I to know...I skipped class. But in my mind it's what I knew would happen. People would judge and ridicule me for having not done my homework. Then came the domino effect. Since I missed that class, I would skip the next. Because I didn't want to deal with the accountability of having missed the first class. Eventually I would dig an academic hole so deep that I couldn't get out of it.

I started blogging with huge hopes for an immediate, dare I say MIRACULOUS change in myself. I am going to quit my job, become a super mom. Have the cleanest house EVER! I'm going to make every meal from scratch. I'm gonna plant a garden. I'm gonna remodel my house. I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna.

Notice I didn't get alot of that done. Because I was talking a rational game, but thinking an impossible path.

When I realized I wasn't keeping up with my end of the bargain...I stopped posting. I feel accountable to my readers and I don't like feeling like I have let people down. Through out my life I have always been so worried about letting others down. More often then not I end up letting myself down.

I mentioned on my facebook page The Happy Mom Project that I was going to be working part time. Since I quit my job as a 911 dispatcher (Why I quit my job)  I have spent nearly every day in stretch pants. I step on the scale and haven't seen a lot of change. But I noticed my body changing shape. On Saturday night I started my new job, which requires black slacks. Lucky for me so does law enforcement. I put on the last pair of pants I had worn to work.......they were tight. Not just tight. I mean it is uncomfortable to sit. I instantly felt so ashamed that I had not held up my end. I had not started working out. I didn't start eating better. I didn't do anything.

So here is where I say NO MORE BULLSHIT. I have lots of hopes for myself. But I am going to be honest.

 NO MORE EXCUSES! NO MORE REASONS!

I look at myself in the mirror at work...it's large enough to show too much. I don't recognize myself. Tomorrow I'm setting up tripod and doing this Biggest Loser style and I'm buying a new scale.
Every wednesday I will post pictures of my progress or lack of and keep it real. Do I owe anyone this? YES!! I owe myself. And I think that it's time I start showing up for class. Because no one is going to do the work for me. So stay tuned folks it's about to get scary at the Happy Mom Project...no more bullshit!