Saturday, August 11, 2012

Irony with extra cheese

      How do you define irony?
 My kids had a pretty fun day. They went on a walk with my dad to a playground. They ate fruit snacks and watched movies at my mom's house. They came home and painted outside on paper and themselves. For the day's grand finale I sprayed them down with the hose while they ran around the lawn. But after everyone was     in dry clothes I realized it was too late to start on the dinner my menu told me to cook. AND (caps for emphasis) I had just gotten off the phone with a friend discussing "serious" stuff. So when Fish said she wanted pizza...I caved. 

Yes, it was me that pledged to not buy fast food, including pizza, for 30 days (Coming clean....again). For the first 8 days I did really well! But I am an emotional eater and a lazy cook. Ok, those are both excuses..but just hear me out, because it gets better. So I ordered online and loaded the kids up to go pick up the pizza. We drove by Nana's house and honked, drove by the water park to check on the progress, drove by the church to make sure God was there. 

I picked up the pizzas and we headed home. In my head I was writing my blog, how was I going to explain my failure. The girls said they wanted to help  by carrying the pizzas. I ordered a personal pizza for me with chicken and fresh tomatoes and the kids had sausage and cheese. So I gave Fish the bigger box and Butterfly my personal pizza. She asked me if she could see the pizza and I told her to wait until we got inside. 

When they were walking to the front door I heard Butterfly start crying as I was getting Moosey out of the van. As I rounded the back of the van I saw it....anger, sadness, defeat. All of these emotions came to me as I stared at my pizza upside down on the ground. Butterfly couldn't wait to see what it looked like and had opened the box. "I'm sorry mommy, I'm sorry." She was panicked and completely believed that I was going to beat her. It was only a pizza. That is a reflection of what I have been showing my kids lately. I felt guilty. I have been so hard on my 3 year old that she really thought I was going to go off the deep end over a pizza. I sat her in timeout, more to calm her down than punish her. And I told her that she needed to listen and be more careful.

      I felt so bad that I let all of them eat in the living room while watching a movie. This is a rare treat for them so they were very excited. But Butterfly wouldn't eat unless I sat there with her on my lap. And she kept saying "Mommy, I love you." Which she does say a lot, but it meant more tonight.They are all in bed now and the house is quiet. After all the self reflection lately I thought it was time I downed a glass of wine.
         By the way if you are a cheap wine shopper I highly recommend Grocery Outlet
          I bought the $3.99 bottle of "Sweet Red Wine" by a winery called Four Spot...
          it's REALLY good! was ironic that I was breaking my pledge and bought pizza, just to have it covered in dirt and made inedible. When I am stressed or sad I always want pizza and ice cream. 

Today I talked to a friend about how hard it can be to stay friends with people when you have grown apart. Sometimes it's too much pressure to try and keep giving to those relationships, when you have so much on your plate.

 Here's the irony.... I once asked a girlfriend to be my maid of honor, because at the time we were really close. She told me that she couldn't be my maid of honor, because being my friend was to hard and it was a lot of pressure. I stopped talking to her and moved out. Nine years later I'm thinking,maybe I could have handled that better.

 More irony, I have been very sad at how many people have so easily let me go, never caring enough to keep me around. But here I sit considering how much you should really put forth to keep someone else around. And how bad it sucks that my entire pizza ended up in the trash, just when I thought I needed it for comfort.

Then there is my poor Butterfly who just can't catch a break lately. Tomorrow, I'm going to try to just let it go....all of it. Maybe not dwelling on these things will ease their burden. As for my Butterfly, she needs some special time alone with Mommy. We need to start building her trust in the new mommy who yells less and laughs more. Normally I would leave this post with some witty twist on the title. But instead I'll leave the "extra cheese" in the form of a picture...

Look at mommy and say CHEESEEEE!

Fish, Butterfly and Moose