Friday, August 24, 2012

I don't have a best friend

      That seems like a strange title doesn't it. I received a message from an old friend just now and it made me think about friendships. We haven't spoken to each other in almost 10 years now. I am so grateful for that message. Social media has made a huge impact on our lives when it comes to friendship. Our parents had to work hard to keep up with friends. They had to write letters, make phone calls. If you didn't do these things you would lose track of people for years, sometimes forever. Our generation brought electronic mail, Internet searching, myspace, to the now all powerful facebook. I have found people I knew in elementary school. It really is an amazing how fast technology has grown....but I'm getting off topic
    My dad worked for the state. Because of this he would be transferred to where he was needed. So we moved with him. We moved from Gridley to Bakersfield, to Modesto, to Cobb Mountain and finally to Manteca all before I was 12. I would get to new schools and meet kids who had been friend since preschool. I would make great friends every place we moved. But there is something about the history they had together, it always made me feel like I was on the outside.

My 11th birthday?? The night ended with tears..shock!

 When I finally got to high school the cliques were more recognizable. I had friends in every group, but I didn't belong to any of them. I can go through my yearbooks and tell you who I would hang out with, but it changed regularly. I was also incredibly involved in church

(I'll give you a moment to clean up whatever you just spilled while laughing).

I would spend several nights a week at youth group meetings and planning committees. The friends I made at church went to different high schools. Which made more groups to keep up with. I also had a job for most of high school so I couldn't hang out like my friends got to. Then there was the family factor. While my friends would have weekend sleep overs, I was always going to some family function, several hours away. I would do my best to catch up with everyone later. But sometimes it would be a problem with my various friends. There were groups that I was dropped from for lack of commitment, that makes it sound like a gang. Let me also add that it WAS high school and I was hmmmmm.....if I'm being honest.

    Ok, here it goes...... I was super judgemental, over sensitive and had incredibly low self esteem. So I would tell my friends what to do, get hurt when they told me off and then cry and say no one liked me. 


1995 High School Choir Tour 

     I thought that things would change in "college" I use quotations because it was junior college where no one cared if we smoked weed in front of class......not that I did that..........hi mom, I love you. I found that I had more problems. It was probably because I was in music, the arts amplify the drama. Tears, fighting, drunken confessions and the occasional blacked out strip tease....again not me....hi again mom.
This direction never actually ended. Being an adult just brought on more drama and I just kept moving to new places. I wish I had seen the importance of sticking around and growing stronger friendships. But that was the direction I had to take to lead me to this moment. I would not change a thing and risk not having my husband and children.

      Today, I see friends on facebook who have been friends since preschool. Now they have lunch together and their kids are friends. I wish I had been that lucky. I am honestly jealous of what amazing bonds they have. Maybe it's because I watched too much television. I let shows like Friends and Sex and the City tell me what friends were supposed to be like. Yeah, I know its fiction....that doesn't mean it's NOT REAL!
I am 33 and I don't have a best friend. My closest friend lives 3 hours away (Happy Birthday Taylor) and she has many groups and many other close friends. I have good friends in my town and in a pinch I know that they will be there for me. But they also have close friends that they have known their whole lives. Sometimes it feels like 3rd grade all over again, where I'm on the outside. I have made a few amazing friends in the past 5 years. They have been blessings when I felt alone. When marriage and motherhood start to take the wheel of the crazy train, and you're the only passenger, you need to have friends for support. I am thankful that I can still say hi and chat with the many friends from my past. But at the end of the day I'm still left wanting more...
Am I the only one who doesn't have a "best friend"?

****Edit 08/25/12 If you've read my post Sleeping alone a love story I have said that my husband is my best friend. And he truly is as I was reminded of on facebook (Thank you Frankie and Renee) This post was a thoughtful reflection on the female companionship I see around me and on television...alot of television. My husband and I have a great friendship...but he's not one of the girls.*******