Monday, July 30, 2012

Organize this!

I told you I would show you the before pictures of my office. I had hoped I would have made more progress with the organization part by now.....but not so much

There is so much paper, kids crafts, pictures...just alot of crap. So I have spent most of today working through the piles. I always feel like the mess gets worse before it gets better. My husband walked in and I said cheerfully "LOOK! I found the desk!" he replied "Yeah, but you lost the floor." However I refuse to let him or the clock stand in my way of getting this done. I have found several disappointments in this pile. I found bills that have been completely avoided. There were pictures hidden that I pulled our for a craft project. A few CD's are going to the craft scrap box, since they were so badly scratched from being under the pile. And it's like a voice in my head telling more depression! Not many people realize what depression does to you. It's like swimming in jeans. You are still kicking and trying to get to the surface, but you are being dragged to the bottom. It's difficult to get out of bed in the morning and oddly it's hard to go to bed at night. I myself let things pile up, miss appointments, stop cooking, stop answering the phone. This pile of papers is like a mirror reflecting the mess I have become. Even sadder is the realization that I am this mess in front of my children. They are so young and absorb all of this...which is why I'm wiping away these tears. This is my chance to change all of this. I have had some messages telling me not to be so hard on myself. And truthfully I am my own worst critic. But I know that all of this is a life experience. I feel like I'm finally listening to the song that has been on repeat in my head. The message was always there I just forgot how to hear it. I'm ready to dance to a new tune and play it on blast. So, I'm gonna get up and pour an ice coffee and organize the last of this pile. I have so many things I want to do .I need to move to phase two of my plan and I cant do it from behind this damned desk piled high. I'm ready to shred the past! Stay tuned tomorrow for the AMAZING reveal!!!