Sunday, July 29, 2012

Chocolate Disaster

Yesterday was my son's 2nd birthday party.

For several years now my husband has done all the baking in our family. It's not that I don't know how to bake (or at least thought I knew) but he enjoys it so he does it. Unfortunately, this year his work schedule didn't work with our party schedule. Instead of baking the cake the night before my husband didn't come home until the morning of the party. And this is where the disaster part starts.

 I have already talked about the battle I have with myself. So it is not hard to believe that I would procrastinate the baking part of the party fun. I have not baked any type of cake in at least 6 years. But I thought "No problem!". I felt confident that I would bake a cake and prove that I could bake just as well as my husband.........two words : EPIC FAIL.

Sad cracked chocolate cake

Was it that I didn't start baking until midnight? Or could it have been the flour I used was really old? Maybe the recipe wasn't very good. The reasons don't really matter, the end results speak for themselves. 

The horrible part is that I used the cake as a sign of what the party was going to be. I have always been self conscious about everything. I hate throwing parties, because I'm always terrified that no one will show up. Maybe no one values me enough to come, maybe no one really likes me, maybe I'm too dramatic (god knows my family has told me that enough), maybe it will just be our tiny family feeling unloved. I have actually cancelled parties all together for fear that no one would show up. So when that cake started to crack  I instantly thought "this party is going to be awful". I woke up late the next morning, the dip I planned didn't turn out, one of the salads just didn't taste as amazing as I had hoped. It really felt like I couldn't get anything right. And we did not get a huge turn our yesterday. I sent out 47 invitations (ok some still didn't make it to the mailbox) but of those only a handful of people came. 

My focus was completely wrong. It was a party for my son, the only thing that should have mattered was that he was happy.He had a great time, swimming, playing, eating junk. All of my children were happy and excited. And a lot of people didn't come but it was the most important people (with or without a party) who came.

There is a lesson in this, next time I wont buy so many invitations. I will try to focus my day on the child being celebrated and less on the celebration itself. And if Micah can't be home in time.......just buy the damn cake!